When Jason came to me in 2010 about this “Lifeline” thing, we were in a BAD place.. I tried everything to get out of going. I WAS not going to be alone with him. Yet, somehow I knew we had to try ANYTHING to save our marriage. He had an affair with my bff 9 years before (that only lasted 3 months) and had just told me a few months prior to this, the worst time in our marriage. He had told me because he wanted to get remarried with a clear conscience. I had lost my mind after because I decided in my delusion that nothing in our marriage had been real. They had both chosen each other over my heart and the fact that we had 4 children and a life together suddenly meant nothing but pain to me because of course I thought the affair was the only problem in our marriage. I reluctantly boarded that plane and endured the hardest most emotional 4 days of my life..
I wasn’t present at first. I didn’t realize that until Ron and Jenny pulled me aside and said they were afraid they were going to have to hospitalize me because they were scared I would try and hurt myself. Thankfully I learned many things that weekend. The biggest of which was that I WANTED to live again. By the time we left I had my hope back. I could laugh again and I wanted to find the reason to save my family. I learned we were two broken people that had to fix ourselves before we could fix our marriage. I learned that the affair was not totally his fault. That affairs don’t happen in happy marriages and that it was a symptom of bigger issues. I learned that my husband truly loved me more than life but that we had a lot of work to do to get us back to good. I learned my bff did not love me and was honestly a terrible person that had no problem lying to people and breaking up marriages as evidence of her to this day proves. That getting her out of our lives proved to be the BEST thing that ever happened to us. She was poisoning us both against each other. Which I had allowed by being ridiculously close to her sometimes over his wishes.
Once we got home it wasn’t easy. In fact the honeymoon effects of the program wore off and life got hard again but we knew we wanted to be together on some level. It just took time to get back to good. I had to process through it all, which was hard, especially because we lived in the same town that we always had. My triggers had to be worked through. It was almost like a death that I had to process through. I had to find myself and why I was worthy of being loved after all that pain.. And once I loved me then I found I loved him again.. He truly is my soulmate. He puts me before everything else. Our 4 kids get to live with their parents because we truly love each other. We do everything together and as it should be HE is my best friend. We only surround ourselves with people that build our marriage up. We learned at Lifeline; those that you have in your life have a direct impact on your happiness. If you surround yourself with divorced people then the grass looks greener and your chances of survival are less. If you put others before your marriage it will suffer, including your kids. We learned that we had to listen to each other and support each other even when we weren’t in agreement. And probably one of the most profound things I learned was through an exercise we did. If he died that day what would I feel? Was I able to walk away from his funeral feeling free?? I was not.
It’s been a lot of hard work and not always easy especially in the beginning. But it was worth every dime we spent. In fact we actually went back a second time. It was after that that we were able to really have some break throughs. As I said, the first time I had to want to live again. The second I was more capable of fixing our marriage. I would be lost without him. I know in my heart that he chooses me every single day because he wants to. Not because he’s stuck here. And I know that without this intensive program we would have been a statistic and our children’s legacy would not be one of getting to have a happy family with the security that comes with parents who love each other! I look forward to the future because our children will grow up to have intact Grandparents for their children. Also because he and I will have even more time to travel and be together than we do now. I look forward to everyday because he is constantly doing things to prove his love. Sure it’s great to be surprised with the big gifts but hearing him say he can’t wait to get home to lay in better together and talk about our day trump everything because I know he wants to be with only me! And most importantly everything I know about how he makes me feel.. I feel the exact same for him. I credit Relationship Lifeline for saving my life, changing our marriage, and I tell everyone I know that they should go BEFORE crisis.. Though I know the reality is we usually only want change when the house is on fire!
Thanks for everything,
Much Love, Ange Martin
As Ron understood.. This wouldn’t be a testimony from me without some songs… You could basically not read anything I wrote and just listen to these and understand just as much..
This one is where we were when we started
This one is honestly how he treats me now.. And yes she sounds like a spoiled princess but if you listen close, she is saying how she will treat him as well if he does these things… Frankly, marriage is as easy as this.. It’s a trade off.. Love me well and I will love you right back!
PS: We decided to do this as individuals so you could see how we each feel without input from the other.
Ange Martin June 8, 2015