The day I found out my husband broke our wedding vows was the day I gave up on me, us, and life! Anger, resentment, hurt, horror had all filled my life, his life…
Ron Konkin was on the phone with me after I had found out about the infidelity. His words and his voice are forever etched in my mind! “You are the victim but don’t play the victim role”! He advised us to get on the next flight out to California to attend the Relationship Lifeline program! It was our only hope if any at all!
Doubtful, fearful, infused with anxiety and mostly a broken heart….I went! Together my husband and I attended, yet both of us uncertain and skeptical!
We first learned more about ourselves in small groups, doing activities that required using parts of our hearts and minds that had been closed for years! It was intense to say the least! We learned how to understand our own issues before moving on to our relationship problems! This was very important as we both were able to see our own strengths and weaknesses before we attempted to view the marriage and what went wrong! Love languages, writing time lines, sharing personal information with others was so freeing! There was an instant release of shame and guilt! We all have collected “rocks” in our lives, we all have hurt and been hurt! Learning about forgiveness for myself was a pivotal moment in my life! Not being judged…felt like I had stripped down and exposed myself but I felt so loved all at once! We are not our mistakes!!!
When learning about the R3 (Reveal, Rewrite Renew), I was shocked to grasp the concept that we all can rewrite our lives! Coming from a dysfunctional home as a child, I had developed some bad habits in thinking! That day was the day I learned that I could live my life the way I wanted! It starts with forgiveness!
Scarred, bruised and broken emotionally I was! I was actually able to see my husband in a different way though! I saw him the same way I saw me! A product of our environment, bad choices, wrong thoughts! It was sad really! We both had been broken! Empathy for him exuded from me! Looking in his eyes, I saw him as a child who wanted to change, be loved, be forgiven! I know this because I too felt the same way!
4 days in the Intensive Program is approximately 2 years worth of counseling! Ron told me that taking the program would fast forward me at least by 1 year in the grieving process of infidelity! At that time I was not convinced! I had never heard of such a thing in my life! All I knew was that I was going to leave my husband because he did the “unforgivable”!
Three years later, we are still together! We have been married for 11 years in August! It has been a new relationship since the intensive program! We started “living above the line”! It has not been perfect, nothing is! However, there is a respect between my husband and I that never existed before Relationship Lifeline!
We have three children, all boys. They were too young to remember our dark times (thank God for that). They see two parents that try very hard to set a good example! We know that we are raising adults not children! Tina teaches this as well! When children are involved it is even more important that they are learning healthy behaviours! We become their inner voices, their tapes that play in their little minds! As much as I had the desire to run away, leave the troubles behind, take my kids with me and flee…all that thinking stopped! Instead this program helped me to see the importance of trying my best! Not giving up! Our children have a better chance in life knowing that their parents are not perfect, have made mistakes but these mistakes do not define who they are! We are happy, in love and thankful everyday! Our children have learned how to live with love in their hearts and not collect hateful thoughts! They “get to” live this life! If we didn’t do the Relationship Lifeline Intensive Program we would not have understood this concept and would not be teaching our kids this way!
Thank you Tina and all the people who have helped with our healing process! We know that everything we learned has helped us tremendously! Without this type of counselling, we may not have made it. Our marriage would have ended due to the lack of knowledge! We “get to” have a legacy now! We have been so blessed since and have a better marriage, better life, we have a mutual understanding of ourselves and each other!
Live above the Line because you “get to”! It’s the best choice you’ll ever make! You make that choice daily, multiple times! Thank you for restoring our marriage! It has been rewritten!
I, Deanna am a worthy, forgiving, forgiven, Christian Woman!
October 14th, 2012 Graduate!
(I have this written on a card, in my wallet)
D & D