I did not show up to Relationship Lifeline to heal our relationship. I came to heal myself. However what I found at the program was hope. Hope for healing within myself. Hope of healing a relationship that I had deemed unfixable prior to coming to Relationship Lifeline. Hope for our children, all blended within our home and hope for a future in which I was no longer sure was planned for my life.
John and I met in the fall of 2011 and without hesitation we entered into a fully committed relationship. Though we truly loved one another from the moment we met our relationship and all that surrounded it quickly made me question, “is love truly enough?”. For me the answer was no, still I never wanted to walk away and yet I had no idea what it was that we truly needed. We had more on our plate than we alone could handle. We both tried everything we could think of, church, lavish vacations, expensive gifts, counseling and lastly separation. Everything left us just has frustrated and hurt as we had been before.
By the time John and I had arrived at the program on April 9th 2015 we were living apart and hardly on speaking terms.
Though I am normally very reserved about my feelings in public I became so enraged with even seeing John when I entered the hotel that I began yelling at him as the bell man took us up the elevator and towards our rooms (not exactly my proudest moment). Little did I know that as we entered into the program minutes later our lives would never be the same, our relationship would never be the same and our children would have hope for a brighter future.
The four days that followed were emotionally exhausting, trying, yet liberating, and in the end we saw each other for the first time in a very long time. With our guards down we gave ourselves over to living above the line and truly forgiving ourselves, those that had hurt us in the past and one another. We began our follow up therapy sessions immediately and shortly after we moved back in together under one roof.
We aren’t perfect and we still have our disagreements, yet in a very miraculous way our relationship is reborn and new in the most beautiful way. Our arguments are no longer so petty and do not last nearly as long as they had before. We now approach one another with compassion, understanding and forgiveness. In a relationship that had once been filled with screaming, we now listen to one another and speak to one another in a loving manner. We also see clearly now that our expectations of one another were never achievable from the very beginning, because we are simply two broken people who had needed a partner who could accept us as we are, flawed. We ourselves needed to address our own damage and make the amends that we had never before been willing to address. In the end we have learned that we are not alone, we have pains just as everyone else has, but we have the choice to live above the line or to not… We have chosen to live above the line!
Thank you Tina, Margaret and the Entire Relationship Lifeline Team!!! With out your dedication to the program we would not have this beautiful family moment to share!
John Tait and Ruth Street June 10, 2015